Although it was a slow day, the pressure and stress are starting to show. We are all a little too quick to question each other and become defensive over the smallest perceived slight. One nurse who has anxiety has developed a constant eye twitch. Over the weekend, one nurse became agitated when another accidentally bumped into her. She screamed, “Don’t touch me! Don’t touch my stuff!”
Today we began random testing of 10% of the staff to look for positive COVID tests. I volunteered as one of the first to be tested. My anxiety about this virulent virus isn’t unfounded. Two of the complications are renal failure and blood clots. Not only do I have one kidney (I became a living donor in 2015) but I also have a clotting disorder. Contracting this virus could mean a potentially devastating outcome for me.
As I wait for the results, I think about what a positive result would mean. I’d be done working, I would have to stay at home and have my groceries delivered. Can I still sit out on my patio, or walk my dog, Harper? So many questions with blurry answers, and such a new and unfathomable world spinning before our eyes. All three of us who tested are negative. I am so relieved I go to the bathroom and cry.